Do you ever feel disappointed in yourself, something you’ve done in the past and you regret doing it and you can’t fix?
Are you still stuck with the same past that makes you feel guilty and alone in the world? If it’s so then you’re not alone.
Everyone has to deal with the past at some moment in life. Some let go of the past in no time and some needs quite a long time to overcome the reminiscences of the ugly past.
Even I’ve done many mistakes in life.
You know, a long time back when I was a college student, I had a burning desire to become a writer. I wanted to write stories on bhoots, spirits, the law of attraction and every genre that I laid my hands on.
Before I developed the habit of writing I did a lot of reading. I read everything from fiction to non-fiction. I imitated the writing style of my favorite authors. Among those several writers, books by Khushwant Singh helped me to find my own voice.
Although I write about self-improvement and spirituality, I wrote many erotica stories as a young writer.
Like every “not-so-famous” writer I too don’t have readers to review my writing style. Thus, I need someone to tell me I’ve got the imagination that an average artist has to make a living out of it.
I was always searching for people to read my writings. I had already disturbed my friends so many times that they read my writings only for the sake of the friendship. They never discouraged my writing style, even if they don’t like reading it.
Hence, I understood that if I truly want to find where I’m missing, I had to ask from a qualified.
I made a point to send my writings to Mrs. Srinithi Nachiyar, our English teacher. She was a kind woman and perceived me as a good student.
I sent her the manuscript of the erotica that I was thinking to publish. The script contained eleven stories. I had worked on the script for the whole six months. Those days I developed the art of writing and the manuscript is the one that I can still recall my best work so far.
The next evening Abu Bhakar, a friend of mine, arrived at my room and enquired had I sent anything to Mrs. Nachiyar.
Then he told me that Mrs. Nachiyar called him in the morning and was sobbing on the phone. She told him that how could I think of her as that kind of woman. If her husband had read the stories, the situation would be horrendous and may even kill her.
She also said that she understood how the other students perceive her in the class. After consoling her for a long time on the phone, Abu handled the situation.
I was dumbfounded and never knew that sending erotica to a woman is a sin. Though, I was just seeking for a help.
The next morning, I was unable to look in her eyes. I occupied the back bench and hid my face in a book. Disappointed and consumed with guilt, I wanted to tell her that she took me in a wrong way, but I was unable to gather my courage.
For the next one week, I was in regret and cursing for making an ass of myself. After that, I never talked to her and always tried to steal my eyes from her.
I was always asking myself what Mrs. Nachiyar would be thinking about me. How could I do this? I never meant that and why I didn’t tell her the truth.
But the time has passed and I had nothing in my hands.
After living in frustration and cursing myself for a long time, I get aware of the sadness I was throwing myself in. I understood I had to let go of the past anyhow. Otherwise, this regret will disturb my peace of mind for the lifetime.
I applied the knowledge I received from self-help books that I read for over years. Fortunately, I was able to let go of the past.
It was not the only day when I hated myself. It had happened to me more than a hundred times that I find punishing myself for the mistakes I did.
But then I recall the words of Swami Vivekananda: Character has to be established through a thousand stumbles.
If you feel regret in life, remember you are not alone. We all struggle in a similar way. But once you start loving yourself, you never need any reason to enjoy the life.
Below are the three simple steps to help you let go of the past and make you fall in love with yourself.
1. Accepting as it is to let go of the past
Alright! Your past is just a story. You don’t have to regret the mistakes you did.
Accepting it as your story will allow you to count it into your experience.
If I’ve not sent the manuscript to Mrs. Nachiyar, I would not have this blog to share with you. It was meant to happen and it did happen.
In the same way, if you have a horrible past and still you’ve not recovered from it then you can accept as it is. It’s now a story that you can share with the people to encourage them.
Accepting that there is no use of crying over spilled milk will help you let go of the past.
It’s only the mind that is causing you the pain. You can always order your mind that it’s over now and it does not have to do anything in the future. Life will never be the same and a better life has yet to come.
2. Be thankful for what you’ve right now
You may have missed a life-changing opportunity a week ago and you hate yourself for the same.
Does that bring back the missed chance? Never.
Understand that sometimes life never happens in a way we hope for and that’s a good thing about life.
If the event starts happening as per our hopes then we never have experiences to learn and cannot understand the value of patience in our life.
I’m not saying you to never expect anything. After all, expectations are the beginning of every successful venture and hopes are what that keeps us moving. But to complete the journey one must need patience.
Today, you may not have got what you hoped for. But if you’ve patience, it will happen for sure.
In midst of frustration and disappointments, you can always count on to the things you are thankful for. Live for family and friends, for kindness and compassion or anything you stand for. Identifying the purpose behind the life is necessary.
It is always difficult to let go of the past but if you’re grateful for what you’ve right now in this moment, you’ll start drawing positivity in life.
3. Silence is not only about avoiding the conversation
You may have heard of people saying that silence is the best medicine to avoid worries. What does that mean? Silence is not only about avoiding the conversation with people. It’s also about silencing the mind. If you are not peaceful within, you cannot let go of the past.
To silence the mind, you can follow these simple practices every day:
1. As you inhale speak “peace” and when you exhale speak “anxiety” or you could simply do mindful breathing by counting your breaths. As you inhale and exhale count one and for the next inhaling and exhaling count two. Count up to ten and then in the reverse order, come back to one.
2. If you are walking then just walk. Feel the touch of your feet pressing against the ground. Get aware of the rise and fall of your every step.
Similarly, if you are washing the dishes, then feel the touch of your hands moving on the plates. Get involved in your every activity so much that you bring the mind under your control.
3. Sit in a room where there no sound can come inside. Take deep breaths and listen to the clicking of the seconds hand of the watch. Continue with the deep breathing and be aware of clicking of the clock for ten minutes. You can use the timer on your mobile.
When your mind distracts you, bring back your attention on to the clicking of the clock. Don’t force anything. Form a little smile on the face and be aware of your breaths.
If you start doing these steps you will develop the habit of remaining in the present moment and eventually let go of the past and start enjoying the life, no matter what circumstances you are going through.
Everyone has problems in life and it makes perfect sense. Remember, if there are no problems then there is no spiritual growth and no self-realization.
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